Nursing.

Nursing. I have milk and a baby willing to suck -- two things I never had during my 4-month trial (and failure) with Hila. My nipples aren't even that sore.

And yet...

Eh. I'm not loving it. I miss the 3-4 hours schedule that you can immediately implement when you're using formula. I don't like having leaky boobs and having to wear nursing pads all day, every day. I don't like feeling like I can't go out because maybe (definitely) the baby will need to eat and I'll have to sit on a park bench or in a restaurant for an hour trying to feed her without exposing myself. I don't like feeding every hour, maybe two hours, maybe even three hours at night, but most probably 30 minutes (during teh day). I don't like feeling insecure that Meira isn't getting enough to eat since there's no way to measure what she gets in a single sitting.


I've already given in and feed her one bottle of formula at night -- and oh how I look forward to it!


But it really does seem like a shame to quit when things are actually working out, especially after my struggle last time. And it's not like I have much else to do during these next few weeks...


I am going to take this one day at a time.


Meanwhile, in an effort to make sure Hila doesn't try and give Meira food or drink or any sort, we're had the following conversation a few times:


Me: "Hila, can babies eat pizza?" (or whatever we're eating at the time)
Hila: (laughing) "No!"
Me: "What do babies eat?"
Hila: "Only mommy's boobies. Only boobies."

Welcome to the world, Meira Aviv!

Last week on Saturday, May 14, 2011, we welcomed little baby girl, Meira Aviv, into the world, and since then, she has transitioned into our family and into our lives beautifully.

No offense to our very special big girl Hila, but WOW -- I had no idea that newborns could be so quiet, easy going, and patient. We are truly blessed to have a new baby in the house who doesn't disrupt the calm and relative quiet that we've worked hard to maintain while raising our first child.

Of course, the smooth sailing can't wholly be attributed to Meira. Hila has already proven to be an amazing big sister. She's quiet and gentle around Meira, understands that certain things (toys, pacifiers, swings) belong to Meira ("only Meira"), and is extremely proud to show off her baby sister to any visitors who stop by. Meira is the first person she wants to say goodnight to before bed and good morning to when she wakes up. She's even patient during the long hours that Meira spends in my lap during her never ending nursing sessions (see next post).

People assured me that a second birth would be easier and shorter than the first. In terms of timing, Meira's birth followed a very similar timeline to Hila's (about 12 hours -- 8 hours until the epidural). In terms of intensity and pain, I think it was pretty similar as well. But one thing is certain -- this birth was not traumatic. I knew what to expect, knew that the pain was unimaginable, and knew that it was all normal. After reading the book Hypnobirthing and preparing with our AMAZING doula, Julia Mannes, I really internalized the idea that much of the pain and trauma of childbirth is connected to fear. Did these contractions kill? Yes, just like before. But I wasn't scared, had strong support around me (Menachem, Julia, and an excellent midwife) and so I kept my cool (sorta) and had a relatively calm birth.

And yes, of course I had an epidural. Anyone who doesn't is just silly.

We love you Meira!

Is Hila trying to get rid of me?

The other day we were outside playing and Hila said, "Mommy, go away." And I said, "No." And then she said, "Okay, Mommy stay here." So I said okay and sat down next to her. And then she got up and walked away.

Hammocks and Jellyfish

Yesterday Hila and I were out on our balcony and Hila was sitting in the hammock (no way I'm getting in--i'll never get this huge body out of it). I asked Hila if she knew what the things she was sitting in was called. With a very matter-of-fact tone she answered, "A magic carpet!"

Is this a kid who has watched Aladdin one too many times or what?

Then later I was making her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and, very politely, Hila said, "More jellyfish, please."

Bye Bye Bottles!

We said we would do it and we did: We got rid of all of Hila's bottles just before Pesach. She's probably asked for a bottle of milk once a day since then, but has not cried or whined when I offered her a cup of milk instead. I think maybe today she didn't even ask for one. Of course, now she's drinking very little milk (none today), but we'll work on that. She has two new sippy cups that she's enjoying, and otherwise she is drinking from regular cups. Yay Hila!

And about the pacifier...we'll revisit that in six months or so. For now, she's super attached to it and we're not in the mood to fight. She just got her bottles taken away, there's a new baby coming soon, and then we have a trip to American later in the summer (i.e. long flights). We'll let her hold on to the pacifier at least through all that.

Bottle Weaning?

Hila is already 2+ years old and still drinks from a bottle. Not always--that is, she also drinks from sippy cups, straw cups, and regular cups just fine. But sometimes she really wants her bottle of milk.

Because she also habitually sucks on her pacifier, we've decided that she's probably ready to give up the bottle. (One bad habit is enough...) We were going to wait until Pesach, but last night I decided to give her milk in a sippy cup ("just like Avigail" -- her BFF) and she was totally fine with it -- excited even.

So that was easy.

But then this morning she woke up at 6am (which I know may be normal for you, but is unacceptable in this house), and I know that the only way to get her to go back to sleep is to give her a bottle of milk. We don't ever let her fall asleep with milk in her bed at night, but if she wakes up between 5-6:30, giving her milk does give us a chance at another hour (or like this morning, 2.5 hours!) of sleep.

So, here I am, with a 2-year-old who seems more than ready to give up her bottle, but who has parents who are still relying on it for their own benefit. I could give her a sippy cup of milk in bed in the morning instead of the bottle...but what's the difference really?

Falling Asleep Frustrations

First, the good news: Hila has been sleeping through the night in her big bed about 9 times out of 10. Okay, maybe 8 times out of 10. And on the nights that she does wake up crying, all we need to do is go to sleep in the twin bed next to hers and she'll fall back asleep until her 6:30-7:30 wake-up.

The hard part: It has been really hard to get her to fall asleep. First, she needs like 6 pacifiers in her bed. We read her 3-4 books, say shma, and then TRY and leave her room, telling her that she can read in bed. We leave her door open a crack, with the hall light on, so she can see a bit.

She's usually quiet for a few mintues and then cries for us to come in. Crying it out just doesn't work when she's in a big bed. I'm just afraid she'll fall out. There's a bed rail, but it doesn't wrap all the way around the bed and if she leans over it in an attempt to get out, she'll fall. She doesn't quite know how to get out by herself, though she has done it on occasion.

So we end up going in. Sometimes she says she has a poop (and when we check she usually doesn't), and sometimes she wants a bottle of milk (which we usually don't give in to). Usually, the only thing she wants is for mommy or daddy to lay down in the other bed. Which we usually do. And within 30-40 minutes (okay, sometimes an hour), she's usually asleep, after much singing, talking, and occasional whining.

The thing about these 30-40 minutes is that it's not an altogether unpleasant experience. In fact, she doesn't mind when if we read in bed with a little light or bring in a laptop. (I am actually in her room now -- I hear her breathing getting a bit deeper....)

Sometimes I think we should just start out the night like this, rather than spend a good half hour trying to convince her that she's a big girl and can sleep by herself. By that time, and then after the 40 minutes in her room, it's been well over an hour of trying to get her to sleep. If we were to just come in and get in the other bed at 7pm on the dot, then we'd be out of there by 7:30 and Hila would get a full hour of extra sleep.

On the other hand, we're always ones to think about the long-term effects of a situation and to think about breeding good habits. How long is this going to go on that she needs us in there to fall asleep? She USED to be able to go to sleep on her own with no problems. When the new baby comes, are we going to be able to handle two kids who have trouble sleeping?

Any tips on how we can get her to sleep on her own? Reason doesn't work -- i.e. telling her that she's a big girl and big girls sleep all by themselves.

P.S. It is clear that she is no longer afraid or uncomfortable in her new room or in her new bed. She simply does not like to sleep ("no sleep! no sleep!") and certainly not alone.

"POOP!"

This is how Hila greets us most mornings. She'll cry or call for us to come get her from her bed (she doesn't get out on her own -- we're hoping that lasts for a while), and as soon as we open her door, the first word out of her mouth is "POOP!" Not "Good morning, mommy" or "Hi," but "Poop," plain and simple.

And half the time she didn't even make a poop!

And while I'm on the subject, just the other day, Hila, who usually struggles when we change her diaper, came over to me and asked me to change her diaper.

Me: Do you have pee-pee or poopy in your diaper?
Hila: No pee-pee. No poopy. Only farts.

Overheard from the Big Girl Bed

"Muchum! Muchum! Read book!" -- This was calling out to daddy ("Muchum"=Menachem) who was sitting right outside her door.

"Bottle of milk; go to sleep." -- Hila negotiating her sleep terms after "trying" to go to sleep for an hour, unsuccessfully.

Getting Used to the Big Girl Bed

We've had a difficult few weeks since Hila fell (jumped?) out of her crib and landed on her head. That very night we said goodbye to her crib and moved Hila into a twin bed (now complete with bed rail) and new room. We are trying to be sympathetic and patient, knowing that it is a big adjustment, but the hours of fighting about going to sleep at night and the missed naps when she's home all day can really be tiring.

We have had a few good nights, particularly those that follow a nap-less day when she literally passes out in bed from exhaustion. Last night, for example, she slept for 14 hours (!!!) and then still took a nap today.

I think we would have waited a bit longer before the big transfer, but the truth is, now's a good time. It gives Hila a good 3-4 months before the new baby comes and takes over her old room.

The number of good nights are becoming more and the number of difficult ones are becoming less, so I assume we're all headed in the right direction.

Review: Kosher By Design Teens and 20-Somethings

I have about four hours to write this review while I'm still a teen or 20-something (obviously I fall into the latter category), so here's a quick review of Kosher By Design Teens and 20-Somethings, in bullet format.

First, the negatives:

• I think the cover is sorta stupid looking.
• I think teens and 20-somethings really don't have much in common, so I'm not sure why they're clumped together into a single cookbook. Maybe to someone in her 40s or 50s (the age range I imagine Susie Fishbein, the author of the cookbook, falls into), teens and 20-somethings are the same. She'd probably criticize me for saying that people in their 40s and 50s are the same, so I guess we're even. But really, for a cookbook, there's a big difference. Mainly, teenagers live in their parent's home and have access to all the wonderful kitchen gadgets and endless ingredients that go along with a well established kitchen. 20-somethings, on the other hand, are either single in college with few appliances (if any) and little money, or are "young professionals" (the new term for single people) who maybe have slightly more of those things but not much, or are perhaps young married couples who are likely paying a full rent for the first time and probably don't have much money either. So, not that the recipes in this cookbook are super expensive, but I'd like to see a budget cookbook that would better reflect the needs of 20-somethings.
• As a pretty lazy 20-something, I found a few of the recipes to be a bit long. However, in general, the recipes were easy and straightforward, and I appreciated that.
• As a 20-something and NOT as a teenager, I was offended by some of the recipes. Like do I really need a recipe for hot chocolate or for popcorn? I think I can figure those out on my own. Also, I don't generally keep Cap'n Crunch on my cereal shelf.
• In the introduction to Homemade Chickies, Fishbein writes, "If you are lucky enough to live in or near Teaneck, NJ..." This made me feel bad because I am not lucky enough to live in or near NJ -- instead I live in the holy city of Jerusalem. I wish I had known about these Chickies before making aliyah; maybe then I'd have moved to Teaneck and would be able to count myself among the lucky ones.

And now for the good part -- I'd say every single recipe that I tried from this cookbook (and I've already made quite a few) was absolutely delicious.
Here are a few highlights --

• The pizza soup and the beef and barley soup rocked. I will definitely be making those again and again and they were quite easy and quick to prepare.
• In the chicken department, I made the teriyali mushroom chicken, shwarma chicken, sticky orange herb-roasted chicken, and the Amalfi chicken (minus the powdered lemonade -- I doubt that's how they make it in Italy) -- each was excellent, especially the shwarma chicken, which I've made a few times.
• The eggplant parmesan  is one of the recipes that took FOREVER to make; it was, however, the best eggplant parm I've ever made, maybe even the best I've ever eaten.
• Spicy carrot sticks -- oh so easy to make and oh so delicious. A great substitute for french fries.
• I'm horrible with salad dressings, so I appreciated the simple salad recipe.
• Chocolate chocolate  chip sticks -- yummy and easy.
• Blondies -- I burnt them, which is not Susie's fault. People still ate them, though. All of them.

Overall, it's a good cookbook, maybe even an excellent cookbook, food-wise. Theme-wise, I think it could have used some tweaking.

P.S. Kosher By Design Short on Time is still my favorite.

We should all call oranges "tapuzim."

I find it absolutely adorable when Hila slips Hebrew into her everyday English speech -- ("Slicha chair," she says as she moves her chair out of the way) -- but because I want to make sure that she speaks both languages fluently and separately, I usually correct her Hebrew by repeating back what she said in English.

There are a few exceptions, though. A few words that I think make more sense in Hebrew than in English. There are a few, but the only one that comes to mind right now is the word "tapuz."

We're teaching Hila her colors (at home in English and at gan she's learning them in Hebrew), and I think it's very confusing that an orange (the fruit) is called by its color. Why doesn't it get its own name like every other fruit? And anyways, tapuz is such a nice sounding word and Hila says it beautifully.

Funny Goose!

Hila is a smart kid -- we all know that -- but today she said something which to me was exceptionally perceptive. We were reading Jamberry, and when we got to the page with the goose on it, Hila said, "Funny goose!" She MEANT to say silly goose, what I always say when we get to the goose and what I've started calling Hila when she's silly. But she must've forgotten the exact expression, and so tried to reason through it, and came up with funny goose. To me this showed a level of understanding and thought that I didn't really know she was capable of.

Bye-bye bottle

In the last few days, Hila has gone from 2-5 bottles per day to about one. She used to have one in the morning, one at nap-time, and one at bed-time without fail. Sometimes the one from the morning would last until nap time (which is why I say sometimes 2) and sometimes she'd NEED one in the afternoon (4) and sometimes she'd drink her night-time bottle, NOT fall asleep, and then cry until we give her yet another bottle (5).

The doctor told us on Sunday that we should really be brushing her teeth and then putting her to bed without a bottle of milk (water is fine). That night we took it away. Over the last few weeks we've been re-introducing the pacifier to Hila so that when we finally got the guts to take away her bottle, she wouldn't miss it too terribly.

That night she cried for half an hour, we went in to calm her down, she cried for another half hour, we went in to calm her down, and then finally she went to sleep. WITHOUT A BOTTLE. [Note: We'd tried taking away her in-bed bottle for AGES, but always succumbed to Hila-pressure.]

The next day, Hila was starting a new gan where she'd be sleeping on a mat on the floor -- something she'd never done before. We didn't want the adjustment to be too difficult, so we sent her with a bottle. She slept on the mat successfully.

That night, she went to sleep without a bottle AND without crying (with her Pooh and her pacifier). The next day, the gannenet forgot to give Hila her bottle at nap-time, and Hila slept! That night, a few tears, but no bottle. And today, she went to gan and we didn't even bother sending her a bottle.

The thing is, is that now she's not really drinking any milk. We give her the morning bottle, but she's really not that interested. And before bed we give her a bottle to drink before brushing teeth, and she needs a little convincing to drink it. I think she's having enough, it's just funny that just a few days ago we were trying so so hard to cut back on her milk intake, and now we need to try and boost it.

P.S. Hila's new gan is in Hebrew and apparently Hila is a model child who does whatever she is expected to do...including sleeping on a mat on the floor, a feat I had thought impossible for my sleep-in-crib-only baby.

It's not pretty. (Or is it?)

While we were walking home from gan today, Hila approached a dead plant and said, "Pretty. Pretty." And then continued to walk right past the very beautiful flower that was growing beside it.

It reminded me of this poem, one of my favorites:

I met a genius on the train
today
about 6 years old,
he sat beside me
and as the train
ran down along the coast
we came to the ocean
and then he looked at me
and said,
it's not pretty.
it was the first time I'd
realized
that.

by: Charles Bukowski

Why I didn't go to the gym today

(or, All because of my missing sunglasses)

I guess I sort of gave that one away. Here's the complete (and really not very interesting) story:

Hila and I (Hila first) woke up at around 7:15. I got H dressed and then got dressed myself into my gym clothes so I could go straight to my aerobics class (8:30) after I dropped off Hila. We had plenty of time, so I sat down to check my email and Hila played for a while (ripping up toilet paper, putting it into a plastic cup, and then dumping it onto a plate--over and over and over again). Things were going smoothly, until Hila decided (as usual) that she wanted an eggy. I opened the fridge, she took out an egg, and SPLAT.

Delay #1. Had to clean up a smashed egg from the floor.

Then I made an omelet for Hila (like we do every morning), and I was going to put it in a baggy for her to bring to gan, but she insisted that she eat it NOW.

Delay #2. Hila eats her eggy.

It's getting close to 8:30, so we better get out the door so I can make it to my class. (P.S. In my month of belonging to the gym, I have never missed my two classes per week minimum--I've also never exceeded it, but whatever.)

My sunglasses are always in one of a few places--on the buffet, in whatever bag I was using the day before, on the kitchen table, or on the dining room table. When I found that they were in none of the places, I started to panic. HOW ON EARTH am I going to leave the house without my sunglasses? AND WHY, OH WHY, do I not have a backup pair?

Delay #3. I can't find my sunglasses.

This has actually never happened. I completely COULD NOT find them. And if you know me AT ALL (really), you know that I do not leave the house, rain or shine (but especially Middle East summer shine) without my sunglasses (for medical/visual reasons, mainly).

8:30 approaches and I figure if I run out now, I can still get to my class by 8:45, which is really not too late considering that it always starts late anyways.

I put on a hat to shield my unprotected eyes and decide to brave the sun, seeing that I don't really have any other choice.

On my way down the stairs, I decide to stop at our new neighbor/friend's house--maybe yesterday when we were hanging out, my sunglasses ended up with them (not that I would ever be that careless with something so precious).

While they didn't have my sunglasses, they did offer me a pair of theirs...and a cup of coffee.

Delay #4. Liat offered me coffee, and Hila clearly wanted to stay and watch Teletubbies with Avigayil.

At that point, it was too late to make it to the gym anyways, so I figured I may as well turn my calm-turned-frantic morning back into a calm morning.

And that's why I didn't go to the gym this morning.

Meanwhile, I just found my sunglasses. They were on a side table under my bandana. And now I'll have to go to the gym tomorrow morning...on a Friday. Ugh.

Talking, not babbling

I have a theory, and it's for my professional, speech-therapist sister-in-law Shira to confirm.

Hila was never really a babbler. She never really babbled long strings of unrecognizable speech. She was/is always very particular with her words, and while she may say "more" or "pizza" or "bottle" a thousand times in a row, she won't just say "oogleyboogedygrabelygoogoogaga."

Recently, however, Hila has begun using longer and sort of unrecognizable strings of words.

But--and here's my theory--I don't think she's babbling; I think she's talking. In other words, it was never in her nature to just make long strings of weird sounds, so why should she start now after she already has grasped the concept of real speech? I think that she really thinks she is speaking. There are real words in her strings of nonsense, and she seems to be speaking carefully, like she's really thought about what she wants to say and has chosen words accordingly.

So Hila talks, not babbles. Just sayin'.

In other news, Menachem is in miluim and we all really miss him. Just 5 days, but still. Hila must have asked for her daddy a million times today. And the other day I asked her to bring me a book, and instead she brought me a picture of Menachem, pointing to him and saying daddy. (She's now sleeping with the picture in her crib.)

New words: Yeerio (Cheerio), I yuh-oo(I love you).

Hila is strange.

Wow, this has potential to be a long post.

Three things off the top of my head.

1. Hila is obsessed with ice. She wakes up in the morning asking (or crying) for ice. When we finally give in and give it to her, she holds it in her hand until it melts. Yeah, I know. Weird. Also a bit medically unsettling--don't her hands get cold?
   
2. When you ask Hila to give you five, she'll hit your hand (correctly) and then hit herself in the head.
   
3. Hila has eaten raw onion and raw zucchini, after insisting that it was apple, and then instead of being disapointed, asked for more. (When I do give her apples, she's always really excited, but then just holds it--she never really eats it.)

I'm sure this list will grow.

The balance of an old person

About a year ago I took the Wii balance test. At the time I was 28 and the results revealed that I had the balance of a 49-year-old. Now that I am 29, I'm assuming that my balance score has exponentially increased to (I'm going to actually do this math problem...hold on)...not sure if I did that right...but I now have the balance of a 51-year-old. At this rate, when I actually AM 51, I'll have the balance of a...hold on...89.25-year-old.

Anyways, my lack of balance has only recently been reinforced as I've joined the gym across the street that is attended mostly by middle-aged and older women, who all seem to have equal or better balance than I do.

This also brings me to another point I've been wanted to share for a long time, and that is: Why I am so bad at yoga.

You wouldn't know this from watching me in a yoga class, but I've been taking yoga on and off for many, many years. Yet I'm still no good at it. There are two reasons for this...no three.

1. As mentioned above, I have the balance of someone at least 20 years my senior. As people age, their balance deteriorates. You do the math (or look at mine above).
   
2. I am just not flexible.
3. I have short arms. For real. It runs in my family. Golds have short arms--it's just a slight disability that we've all learned to live with. Basically it means that we can't reach our toes so easily. Poses like half-moon, down-dog, and cow-face, therefore, are difficult. And since #1 rules out tree, eagle, and warrior III, I'm not left with too many doable postures.

All that being said, I really do love yoga. I really do believe that while practicing yoga you're competing against no one but yourself. I suck at yoga--always have and always will--but that's not to say that I haven't made very slight progress since I started so long ago.

Meanwhile, I haven't actually gone to a yoga class in the last year since my yoga teacher--here's a shout out to Jodi--moved to America. :(

Wow, a whole post without mentioning Hila--that's not right. So here: My new favorite Hila-ism is "oots" or "ootsy"--for "whoops" or "whoopsy." Ok, now I feel better.

We just can't kick the bottle...

The last few nights have been tough on all of us. We've tried putting Hila to bed without her bottle of milk. There was one successful night, but the others have just ended in tears. Lots of tears. And lots of bottles.

Her not-really-sleeping-through-the-night phase actually started before we started trying to break her of her bottle habit. We think either she was teething (though we still haven't seen new teeth) or that she was constipated (good thing Hila likes prune juice). So I guess looking back it wasn't a good time to spring something new on her, but I sort of thought that since she was having trouble sleeping through the night anyways, maybe now actually WOULD be a good time to sort of double up on an annoyance. Why wait until everything is smooth sailing to THEN throw another curve ball at her?

In any case, Hila has not been sleeping so well lately...with or without the bottle. She'll go to sleep well, but then wake up a few times in the night and refuse to be put back in her crib until she's tossed and turned in our bed (quite violently) for some time and built some block towers in the living room.

The other night she INSISTED on hugging the dish soap for a little while. Today, during an almost-tantrum (she's never had a full-blown tantrum, just almost-tantrums), she again insisted on hugging the soap, but then I had to take it away (more tears) when I saw her sneaking a nip at the nozzle.

That was one little fight we had. We had another fight the other day when I told her that she can only eat unwrapped cheese triangles (which of course she did not want) and not the foil-wrapped ones (which she squeezed so hard in an effort to not let me get them that I had to throw them out). She doesn't really like cheese anyways; I don't know why I even tried.

She made me think of Sandra Boynton's What's Wrong Little Pookie? last night when she was crying and crying and crying and I kept asking her what was wrong and if she wanted X, Y, or Z, and she kept saying "no" in such a small, sad voice. Finally she said she wanted her daddy, which was good timing because he was on his way up the stairs at that point (he had been out watching "the game").

But don't worry, it's not all tears and sleepless nights around here. After all, there are the glorious mornings that follow these nights when we all sleep in til 8:30...9:00...and later. The other day we had to wake Hila up at 11:30.

She loves her baths more than...pretty much anything. She loves her bottles. She loves cereal (so much that sometimes that's all she eats all day). She loves the ABCs and Old McDonald. She loves jumping. She loves reading. And she loves her naps--she's about to hit 3 hours as I write this.

Today we went to a Mommy&Me shiur (I'm hosting next week, by the way) and we passed the pizza shop on Palmach. She started shouting "pizza! pizza!" She and her daddy go there a lot on their way home from gan.

Wake up, Hila, so we can play!