Still waiting for a kick...

I thought: If most first time pregnant women feel their baby move at 18-22 weeks, then I will definitely feel it earlier. After all, I am sooo much more in touch with the goings on of my body than the average woman is. And now, here I am at 18 weeks, 3 days, and still nothing. How am I supposed to know that my baby is alive and well in there if I can't feel it? I understand why tom and katie cruise bought their own ultrasound machine. oh to be rich and neurotic!

One strange thing about pregnancy is that I love potatoes all of a sudden. I never disliked them, but I found them boring and pointless. And now, I dream of potatoes. Plain, boring, boiled or baked potatoes, with nothing on them but salt. I also really like peas. I've been making such an effort to eat two vegetables a day. Do potatoes count? I was never clear on that.

Good news: I had a driving lesson and my driving instructor said I was a good driver and another lesson would be a waste of time and money. So now I just need to wait until the test which will be in about a month. I begged him to make sure it wasn't early in the morning, because of the sun and because of my laziness, I mean Pregnancy Exhaustion.

I don't have so much other pregnancy news because, well, not much has happened. I feel like I'm at a bit of a stand still. I don't think my stomach has grown at all in the last few weeks. I still haven't felt the baby move, which is frustrating. I mean, the book says that for a first baby, it's possible at this time to feel "flutters that may feel like gas", but if they feel like gas, then how am I supposed to distinguish between baby flutters and gas flutters? I had a dream that I felt a good kick, but in the dream it was clear that it came from a fully developed baby sized leg, and my baby is still the size of a hamburger, so I'm not expecting to feel that (while I'm awake) for quite some time.

Menachem is afraid that if I don't feel the baby soon, then it may induce anxiety and so I should be careful not to obsess about this and just let things happen when they happen. I have no idea what he's talking about...

I want to go on vacation. I want to go to Italy for two weeks. And I want to go to a spa for at least two days. Somebody please knock some sense into me.

Week 16.5 News

The thing about now, is that how I look and how I feel completely depend on what I wear. Like if I wear a shirt with an empire waist and, even better, with a tie that accentuates that between the bust and stomach line, then I feel pregnant and good. But if I wear any other sort of shirt, I just feel fat.

Also my headaches have mostly subsided. I significantly cut back the amount of dairy I was consuming, so it's possible that that's related.

In other news, I finally went to work today. We had a very important "how to lock the doors" orientation that even people who work from home 99% of the time had to attend. Had lunch with Ben and sat next to Netanyahu and his posse, which I don't really care so much about but maybe you do.

Meanwhile, when given the choice today if I am more excited to have our baby or for the weather to get cooler, I opted for choice B. Obviously having a baby is the most exciting thing in the world, but for now, it's a bit abstract, as opposed to a change in weather which is something I'm quite familiar with.

Menachem pointed out that today is the first day that we've both been at work at the same time. That is because a) I rarely go to work, and b) because he used to work American hours, while I worked mostly during the day. But now -- Halleluyah! -- he got a normal job like a normal person and we will get some normal sleep! (If you need a real estate agent, let us know.)

Other things I'm looking forward to: My mother-in-laws arrival, and with her: Peanut Butter South Beach Bars (I like PB again), tennis rackets, and MATERNITY CLOTHES!

A Crazy Thing Happened on the Way to Bed the other Night...

I was getting into pajamas on Friday night. Off came my shirt, first, and I was left in a very tight, stretchy tank top. I glanced at myself in the mirror, and then-- stared. You will simply not believe what went through my head at that moment. It was: "Wow. I love my body." Now, if you know me at all, you know that those words have never crossed my mind, and as you can imagine, they came, therefore, as quite a shock. Menachem walked into the room to find me standing in front of the mirror. I felt slightly guilty, or rather, I felt like I LOOKED slightly guilty and felt the need to say something. So I blurted out, "I was just admiring myself in the mirror." I started crying. It was a very emotional moment, to share with someone this deepest, strangest realization. Off came the rest of my clothes, and I just stood there, shocked. I used to associate "body" with "thighs" because that's all I saw when I looked down at my body. But now, I actually SEE my body. And Menachem, perfect as he is says, "I'm just so happy that you finally see yourself the way I always have." God, I love him.

So am I ALWAYS going to have to be pregnant in order to feel this way about my body? Or will this boost of self-esteem somehow stick, even after the swell of the upper body deflates?

Happy week 15!

The topic of this week is: Headaches. Remember that image of the telephone pole banging against my stomach while I'm up against a brick wall? Well, this is like that, but at my head and not as bad. But still, in the last few days I've had a headache everyday and nothing works except for an ice pack and an Excedrin Migraine which I really shouldn't be taking, even though the doctor said I could. This is the same doctor who prescribed me muscle relaxants for a backache, who, on the phone, never asks what trimester I'm in or if I tried regular tylenol yet or really anything else. (I'm looking for a new doctor if you know of any maccabi doctors in Jerusalem.)

Ok, we're going to the mall and then to play tennis -- one of the last vestiges of my normal semi-active life.