I made a mistake. It's not irreversible, but it's going to take work to undo it and I'm not looking forward to it.
When Menachem was in miluim, Hila slept in my bed with me every night. It was at the height of my breastfeeding (which has now come to an abrupt end -- another story for another time), I missed Menachem, we were at my parents' and their porta-crib is annoying, and it just made sense to cuddle up with my baby.
Now, a week has passed since we've been back home and Hila refuses to sleep in her crib. Sometimes (if we're lucky) she'll fall asleep in it, but only for a few hours. And then she'll wake up crying and will not let me leave her alone.
When we do try and leave her room she reaches out for us and looks at us pleadingly not to leave her in her crib. And then she cries. So...I take her out and plop her back into bed with us. And Menachem and I don't sleep so well when she's in bed with us.
Maybe there was a night or two where we convinced her to stay in her room, but it wasn't with her -- then regular, now not -- long stretches of sleep, easy feeds, and easy drifting right back to sleep.
And that's another thing. Hila has been so easy overall, that I thought that by now we'd be sleeping through the night. But she still wakes up every 3,4, or 5 hours to eat. (About a month ago she was sleeping 6,7, or 8 hours at a time and then plus more after a feed -- but not anymore.)
And while Meanchem or my mom (when she's around) both have offered to take night feeds, I end up waking up anyways (Menachem never hears her) and stay awake until I know that she's back asleep. So what's the point of having a third person wake up? I may as well just feed her myself. (And as of last week I was nursing her for every feed anyways, so I wouldn't let anyone else feed her.)
We're not in favor of co-sleeping, but what do you do if your baby insists on it? We need to toughen up, right?
(P.S. While I was nursing I never felt like Hila was getting enough food during the day alone and now that I'm not nursing, Hila is all of a sudden rejecting bottles after only half a feed (and not making up for it later). So only when I know that she's eating enough during the day, will I then be ready to push her to sleep through the night. But for now, I think she still needs those night time calories.)
