"Shoulda been a Hippo"

Greetings from Nairobbery! I'm just gonna jump right into this:

I got into Nairobi last Friday, laughing and crying. I was crying cuz I was so happy and laughing because I was so petrified of being in Africa with, ummm, nowhere to go. And now, you ask? Now I'm laughing cuz I'm so happy and, well, i've finally stopped crying--except today when I saw the lions doing it (sex, not crying) for the third time, I cried a bit.

Before I get to the safari, let me bring you up to date. Shabbat in Kenya was quite nice. Firday night we hid in our guest house for fear that someone might discover us and try and take all our belongings, but Shabbat today we ventured out to shul where we met really nice people and spent much of the early afternoon studying talmud and eating cake with the Israeli ambassador to East Africa. (The Talmud class was all in Hebrew and I totally followed and participated (and loved it!)! Yay me!)

Speaking of Israelis, it's crazy how influential israeli travelers are on tour guides. Remember in Thailand the guesthouse workers spoke hebrew? And how our trek guide taught us an Israeli card game? Well here, our safari guide (a man whom i now love, named "Animal") was singing us Hebrew songs and calling the animals by their Hebrew names.

Ok, the first wonderful thing about Africa, or Kenya at least, is that people speak English here VERY well. This means that we could have REAL conversations with our guides and actually learn stuff. "Animal" used to be in seminary to become a catholic priest (most people here are christian) but then decided he'd rather study zoology and biology and go on safari. He's half Masai and half Kikuru. We had lots to talk about.

Riiiiight, so I went on safari for 4 days...have I mentioned that? I'm dirtier now than I've ever been in my entire life, but wanted to rush and email you all cuz i was soooo excited and missed you all sooooo much. (Also, I wanted to make sure I didn't miss Purim and I had to see if Bethami had a baby yet. Negative on both.)

I thought I was being very poetrical when I wrote in my journal "...and while a picture is worth a thousand words, I generally prefer the words" (or something like that), but the truth is, there is no way for me to verbally explain to you the amazingness (see that's not good enough) of a Kenyan safari (actually we dipped down into the Serengeti, which is in Tanzania, too).

Imagine this: wide open spaces for as far as the eyes can take you (for me it's not that far, but maybe for you it is), mountains in the background, golden plains (dry season) spotted with green trees and bushes. And animals. The most amazing animals EVER. We were lucky and saw them all. (or at least a couple from every species....we didn't see ALL the animals in Masai Mara, silly). Lions, elephants, zebras, wildabeasts, heartybeasts, gazelles (many types), cheetahs, a leopard, a hyena, flamingoes (THOUSANDS of them, in Nakuru, not masai mara), rhino, warthogs, water bucks, baboons, other monkeys, buffalo, giraffes, birds galore, crocodiles, and last, but not least, the majestic hippos. I basically met the cast of The Lion King--which, btw, is surprisingly accurate.

The highlight was this morning when we saw, not once, not twice, but three times, the lions copulating--two different sets. I took a video, so you will get to see when I get to a faster connection (in a few months). It was the most exciting and terrifying this ever. The first time, they were right outside (2 ft away) my wide OPEN window--who puts automatic windows in a safari van?! Does that seem wise to you?). I was freakin out. I kept telling "Animal" to turn the car on so I could roll up my window. He kept telling me to shut up and was pushing me--yes, PUSHING ME--back toward the window so I could DIE--i mean, so I wouldn't miss it! Penetration is only about 2 seconds long and then the guy roars and then the girl gets up and tries to maul him. Then they go back to sleep. This was 2 FEET FROM MY WIDE OPEN WINDOW! You would've been scared too. And then we saw it again. And then again. Wow. Wow. Lions are stunning. And they are amazingly fearless. They weren't even scared of me!

And we went to a Masai village! Now, I've been to many many villages in my day, but never one as interesting and bizarre (that's PC right?) as the Masai. I've even seen tribes who do weird things with their ears, but none as weird as the Masai ears. They are a polygamous warrior people. They live in villages with huts made of cow dung and wood, the baby cows and goats live in the huts with them, men have many wives, and they stretch out holes in their ear lobes to extraordinary lengths. Some of the women do the ear thing, but it is the men in the tribe who do most of the stretching. The bigger the holes, the more beautiful, and it is the role of the Masai warrior to be as beautiful as possible. And so he grows his hair, colors it with ocre, puts beads in the loose skin of his ears (look for a picture online), and wears these sarongs. They wear makeup and they dance. And while the women do a bit of that, it is clearly the man who wears the fancy pants in the relationship. Oh, and the women must shave their heads. And there is female circumcision, so that was a bit uncomfortable to smile and nod at.

Oh, and I got my second marriage proposal:

Olyanarok: "How many goats?"

Me: "huh?"

Oly: How many goats, for you?

Me: oh you don't have enough.

Oly: I give you many goats.

Me: I'll have to ask my dad.

He only has 2 wives already. And all I have to do is drink blood. Daddy?

And so, to conclude, let me say, Africa is way cooler than Asia. .

Going to Uganda tomorrow night....

Until next time...

Sar