Weaning Cold Turkey: 1 Day Down

I just completed my first 24 hours of weaning. And as I sit here, breasts engorged and a bit leaky, I am sad, but still confident that this is the right move for us. In fact, Meira, who was so breast-obsessed, seems totally fine. She fell asleep for her nap yesterday and then for bed last night just fine. She cried for about 5-10 minutes each time, but, sadly, that's normal for her, even if I do nurse her first. (I'm convinced that that kid simply enjoys crying herself to sleep. There is no other explanation why she should still be crying for those 5-10 minutes each time I put her down.)

In the middle of the night she cried (as usual), and Menachem went in, rubbed her back for a minute, and left, and she fell right back asleep! That doesn't usually work so well, so that's progress already!

In the morning, I swooped her out of the crib with a big smile and got her a cup of milk (that she didn't touch of course), but she was happy.

Now this feeling that I have (the physical side of this), reminds me of a very, very frustrating time at the beginning of Meira's life. At about 2 weeks in, I was going crazy with the difficulties of breastfeeding, and I quit. Cold turkey. I refused to go through this again (see earlier posts about Hila -- I don't feel like finding a link) and simply stopped. After 24 hours of engorgement, milk spilling out of me all over the place, and lots and lots of crying (on my part), I decided I wasn't ready to stop and started nursing again.

And here we are one year later, in a much better place.

My Thoughts On Zumba

Did you know that I have a life outside my children? It's true! I go to the gym twice a week for two hour-long classes. It's just a little something I do to make me feel less guilty and lazy about sitting on the couch (my office) for the rest of the day.

Usually I go to step, body toning, or classic aerobics classes, but decided that I should give Zumba a shot to mix things up a bit.

When the music started and the class began moving, I was in shock. Really! I had no idea how provocative Zumba was. I had mainly heard about from my religious friends -- friends who are way more religious and...seemingly demure...than I. Where they really involved in such butt shaking, gyrating, thrusting dance classes?

I am not the type who can completely let down my guard and shake my booty. In a college dance aerobics class I took, I remember the teacher once singling me out -- there I was, trying to hide in the back row -- and yelling, "Hey, you in back! Shake your butt more!" I was mortified! I had spent my entire life detracting attention from my behind, and the teacher was encouraging me to shake it wildly for all to see! Not gonna happen.

So I'm in Zumba for the first time and feeling really, really awkward. The whole POINT of Zumba is to shake your butt!

I walked out of the class sure I would never put myself through that humiliation again.

Fast forward a few months. Somehow I got convinced to try it again. I decided to go in with an open mind and to relax.

I didn't hate it. I even wiggled my tush a bit.

I went again. Hey, this is an amazing workout. And I'm not too horrible at it....

I went again. I learned that if I really relaxed, I could let loose and feel the groove of the music. If I embraced the shaking and shimmying, then I could forget my insecurities and embrace the workout and the dancing. I realized: This is a class of women. There are no observers. There is no pressure to look good. I can do this.

I realized: I am pretty good at the butt shaking! I like a workout that encourages you to swing your floppy body parts around, rather than always clenching them and trying to harden them into oblivion. Why should I be insecure about my tush? I have one of the best tush shakes in the class!

And so...

If you can get past the awkwardness of Zumba (and it's not easy to do!) then I think you may like it too...whoever you are.

Yes, We're Ready to Wean...Or at Least I am

I love breastfeeding. I really do. But I'm starting to realize that it's no longer what is best for us. Meira is so so clingy, and is constantly pulling at my shirt, and I feel like if I'm not willing to feed on demand (which I'm not), then I shouldn't nurse at all. Maybe that logic doesn't make sense to you. So here:

Meira doesn't have a watch. She doesn't understand or remember day to day that she gets fed once in the morning, once before her nap, and once before bed. To her, she gets fed SOMETIMES, but not always, and not always when she wants. It makes me feel like I'm being arbitrary and that I'm confusing her by saying, "Sure you still get mommy's milk, but only when I feel like it." Well that just doesn't seem fair anymore for an older baby. 

Sometimes I just want to cuddle with her, but can't because she's always got ulterior motives. Sometimes she'll be playing nicely with daddy, and then I walk into a room and she goes crazy. I pick her up and she indicates that she wants milk. I am ready to embrace my role as a non-nursing parent.

Ultimately (like hopefully in a few days), I think Meira will appreciate this move. I think she'll be less distressed when she's around me. She won't have that constant nagging thought of "Oooh, maybe now is one of those random times that mommy is going to lift up her shirt for me." 

Out of sight, out of mind. 

It's been a wonderful experience. I look forward to nursing baby #3 (many years from now...).

Ready to Wean?

Yes, I am still nursing Meira. Next week she turns 1, and I am shocked and very, very proud of myself that we've made it this far.

I've become passionate about breastfeeding -- I truly love nursing my little nursling and appreciate the quiet, sweet cuddles that we sneak in throughout the day.

But...

It's been a long year. Meira refuses to drink milk, soymilk, or formula, of any temperature and from any bottle or cup. So it's been my milk, from my breasts, everyday since she was about two months old (remember, I supplemented with formula and pumped a ton during those early months). Now we're down to four nursings a day (from like 10+ in those first six months and then 7-8 until just a few months ago), and I can't imagine how Meira will ever part with any of them. I keep trying to drop one, but she won't hear of it.

And it's not such a burden really. She nurses for 5-10 minutes (sometimes less) each time.

Sometimes I think that I could continue breastfeeding for...I don't know...longer. But other times, I feel like our family is ready to close that chapter in our lives.

I'm told one-year-olds don't really need milk if they're getting dairy and calcium from other sources. Meira is a fantastic eater, and I'm sure she'd be fine. She loves drinking water and finds comfort in her sippy cups of water. Maybe she'll learn to like milk later on...like when I give in and add some chocolate to it.

I think the only way to wean Meira would be to do it cold turkey. If I dropped the day feeds and only nursed once at night and once in the morning, I think she'd claw at my shirt all day long. I feel feeding during the day needs to stop soon since we're considering putting her in gan, at least for part of the day.

Cold turkey, and she'd probably be fine in a few days. She'd forget all about it, right? She'll adjust just fine, right?

Well...maybe one day.

For now, I'm not ready. I'd miss it too much.

My Innocent Little Poet

Yesterday, while walking home from the park, we heard a monkey cackling!

Well, not really. There was a woman on her phone laughing very loudly (in one of the apartments we were passing), and Hila looked at me and said, completely seriously, "Mommy! I hear a monkey!" She really, truly thought there was a monkey.

And that reminded me of something else she said recently. We were outside and I pointed to some flowers and said, "Those flowers are beautiful." And then she pointed to some rocks and sticks and said, "Those rocks and sticks are so so pretty also."

And THAT reminded me of a Bukowski poem that I really like:

I Met A Genius

I met a genius on the train
today
about 6 years old,
he sat beside me
and as the train
ran down along the coast
we came to the ocean
and then he looked at me
and said,
it's not pretty. 

Charles Bukowski

His example is the opposite of mine, but his point is the same. No, it's not that kids are dumb; it's that they are so beautifully oblivious. They don't say the expected ("Those flowers are beautiful" or "The ocean is pretty"), but they look at things with a fresh, unbiased eye, and say what they truly think, describe what their eyes really see. 

"You were so cute!"

One day in the future, I'm going to say to Hila, "You were so cute when you were little!" and she's going to say, "How? What did I do?" And I, with my horrendous memory, will say, "Ummm...I can't remember." So, let's jot down a few notes that I'll be able to refer to in 5, 10, 30 years. (This blog is eternal, right?)

• Cinderella used to be your favorite movie, and you had two favorite parts (or "fravorite" as you'd say): First, when Cinderella cleaned the floors and sang Sing Sweet Nightingale, and second, when the mean sisters ripped Cinderella's dress. You would get down on your hands and knees and clean the floor with a wipe and sing Sing Sweet Nightingale, and insist that we do the same. You'd also out of the blue, just blurt out sometimes, "Cinderella's sisters are SO mean! The ripped Cinderella's dress!"
• And speaking of random thoughts that you'd share, you'd be playing quietly or we'd be  talking about something else, and you'd just say, "My hair is curly!" or "Kelev is dog!" About these outbursts -- to me, they were completely random, but not for you; these were things that you spent lots of time thinking about.
• After pooping you'd call us into the bathroom. After being wiped, you'd straighten up, and with a big smile and cheerful voice, you'd say, "Thank you so much!" You're so welcome!
• You loved Meira from the very first day that we brought her home from the hospital. I started calling her "Meiri" pretty early on, and you'd always correct me "No, not Meiri, Meira Aviv Pritzker!" For months that's how you referred to her, by her full name only.
• Hila: "We don't watch TV on shabbat, right?" Parent: "Right." Hila: "Is today shabbat?" Parent: "No...." Hila: "So I can watch TV!"
• You used to get a piece of chocolate every morning before you left the house for gan. (It was the only way we could get you to get dressed.) Then your dad went to America for a week and I was in charge of getting you out of the house. That morning snack quickly became replaced with something else. We called it breakfast. Cereal in a baggie to eat during our walk to gan.

I'm sure I'll add to this. Adorable things happen everyday. I just can't think of them now.

My Lean Green Eating Machine

Hila was never an easy eater. Nursing was impossible, early feeding with a spoon nonexistent, and even now as a toddler, she goes through phases where she just isn't interested in eating anything at all. (She also goes through phases where she'll eat anything in sight -- I like that.)

Meira is an entirely different story. Breastfeeding -- while we had a rocky start, she ended up being a super enthusiastic nurser. Early feeding with a spoon -- CHECK. Early self-feeding of finger foods -- CHECK.

But here's a problem I never experienced with Hila: Meira is ALWAYS hungry. ALWAYS. 10 minutes after she nurses, she's whiny for food. 10 minutes after she consumes a feast of food, she's whiny for more milk. If she had it her way (which sometimes she gets), she'd go from breast to food to breast to food all day long. It's...ummm...how do I say this without making you think that I'm not super appreciative of her enthusiasm...okay, I'll just say it: It's annoying. Really annoying.

Thank you Meira for being such a good eater, but give mommy a break, k?

(P.S. Ever seen Meira? She's tall and skinny. And here's her diet secret -- Yes, YOU too can eat all day long and still stay slim. All you need to do is exercise -- army crawl around the floor, climb up on furniture, and stand and start pushing furniture around the room. Smart kid!)

Meira: An Update

I haven't said anything about Meira lately, so let me summarize the last few months quickly:

Eating -- I am still breastfeeding -- an activity that has become natural and easy and enjoyable (yes, it's about time). Meira eats 2 solid meals a day, usually lunch and dinner -- about 1/4-1/2 cup of something, anything. Unlike Hila who I couldn't PAY to open her mouth for mushed up food, Meira is enthusiastic, eager, and not too messy. I enjoy making and storing baby food. My freezer is filled with ice cube trays of food. Yes, I'm that mom (suprisingly).

Sleeping (at night) -- She goes to bed at 7PM on the dot, every night, and wakes up at around 6:30-7AM every morning. In those 12 hours she usually wakes up twice to nurse. No, she won't take a bottle. (Though kudos (and thank you) to Menachem for trying and trying and trying, and having some success occasionally.) Occasionally she wakes up around 10PM, but we let her sort that one out herself. She's usually back asleep within 5 minutes.

Sleeping (during the day) -- She usually takes 2 naps, each about 1-2 hours. If one is less than that, then I give her a 3rd nap, which she sometimes takes. I do not nurse her to sleep anymore,  but she does sometimes go down and then cry. Again, that doesn't usually last more than 5-10 minutes. We're okay with that, for now.

Physical development -- In the tradition of other Gold-Pritzker babies (i.e. Hila), Meira is super strong. Both girls came out of the womb with their heads up, neck straight, and looking around the room. At 5 months Meira started "scooting," which she still does, quite fast, around the room and under tables. Today I saw her pull herself up to her knees! And if you put her in the standing (holding on to something, like the crib rail) or sitting position, she can stay that way for a while.

General disposition -- She is the sweetest little girl in the world. She gets upset (like if she's hungry or tired), but she's easily distractable and consolable. She does still have "cranky time" -- those "witching hours" between 5-7PM, which is not the best timing since that's when Hila is home, playing and eating and getting ready for bed herself. During that time she needs lots of attention, especially in the form of breastmilk and cuddles, but sometimes a song and dance from her doting big sister will do the trick as well.

Sounds like a keeper to me!

So far so good....

Menachem is in miluim...it's just for a few days, but even the thought of taking care of these two kids stresses me out, so I wasn't looking forward to it.

But...so far so good!

First, I got Hila out of the house this morning without chocolate. Maybe your child can easily make it til 9AM without chocolate, but mine can't...at least not anytime in the last month or so, until today. I hadn't even thought about it at the time. It's just that things were going so smoothly, that I didn't need to bribe her at all!

Next, Hila is on a cleaning kick. Now, usually a messy house stresses me out, but around 6:30PM, Hila said, "It's clean up time," and cleaned the entire living room. There is not a single toy on the floor.

Then, unlike last night when Hila peed at 7 and then I made her pee again before bed at 8 and she couldn't and we fought for a bit (until she finally did), tonight, she peed at like 5:30, then drank a cup of chocolate milk, and then easily peed again before bed. No fights.

She brushed her teeth nicely, and in exchange, got her nightly band-aid on her invisible boo-boo. Then she wanted pasta. I didn't make her re-brush her teeth.

Hila and Meira, as usual, played so nicely together. I nursed Meira and Hila cuddled up next to us singing songs (she did that last night too, and I would love for that to become a regular thing). I put Meira to bed and she didn't cry -- just rolled over and fell asleep.

Hila asked to read in bed, and then called me in to take the books away when she was ready to sleep. She's not asleep yet, so I'm still expecting her to call me in a few more times, but that's okay.

Meanwhile, my ears/throat still hurt at night (after 2.5 weeks! -- Doc says it's a virus -- BLAH), so that's no fun, but otherwise, things are going well here.

Am I the only other army wife here who can't wait til she and her husband are 40? (I assume 40 will come before having 6 kids or becoming rich -- the other 2 exemptions from miluim.) Then again, Menachem begged the army to let him do miluim, I'm sure some technical exemption will do nothing to deter him. My husband, the Zionist hero. (Grumble.) (No, really, I am proud of him.) (Grumble.) (Really.)

He comes home tomorrow. Yes, all this was about a 3 day miluim.

Packing!

Had a wonderful break from packing today, visiting Liat and Avigail up north at Hamat Gader, right outside their kibbutz. Hila still talks about our former neighbors on a daily basis and it was fun for 3 generations of Gold/Pritzkers and Meck/Smolans to hang out.

But here's why I'm writing...

Our house is a disaster -- boxes and newspaper and tape and STUFF all over. Hila has been at Grandma and Grandpa's for the last 3 days and only entered the disaster zone today. She walked into the kitchen and said, "What a terrible mess!" And I said, "We're packing!" And she said, "Oh, I want to pack too," and started throwing newspaper onto the floor. When she was done, she said, "Okay, I'm done packing," and walked out.

Oh, Hila, if only it were so easy!

Some of My Thoughts Lately

1. I really like Costco. Why don't they make large stuff in Israel? I particularly like my new Costco contact lens solution. It was super cheap and has the type of cap that you sort of flip up, not that you have to unscrew and completely remove. I really prefer that. Why is contact lens solution so expensive in Israel? Why are contact lenses so expensive in Israel? Why is everything so expensive in Israel?
2. Things that are cheaper in Israel than in America -- healthcare, education, avocados (when they're in season), laser hair removal.
3. I love my new electric toothbrush. I look forward to brushing my teeth and it just feels so good on my gums. My teeth have never felt cleaner!
4. People think I'm a laid back person, but what they don't know is that a lot of stress, anxiety, and hard work go into looking like a laid back person. That is who I really am -- a stressed out person trying so hard to be laid back.
5. I think toilets flush better in Israel than in America.
6. If breastmilk is so perfect, then why do I need to give my baby Vitamin D and iron supplements? (I don't -- I keep forgetting. I also keep forgetting to take my own multivitamin. Oops.)
7. I think that I enjoy pedicures more than other people. 
8. I think my life would be a lot easier if I had a large American washing machine. Or, better yet, a washer and dryer in one -- put your laundry in, push some buttons, and then come back in an hour (or longer -- that doesn't matter) to clean, dry clothes. 

My Thoughts on Weight Watchers So Far

I've been on Weight Watchers for a few days, and I think I'm going to quit. It's not because I've lost faith in dieting or because I don't think the WW method works, but rather, for these four reasons:

1. I cannot get the Android app to work on my phone. I have a feeling it's because I live in Israel. I hate when companies persecute me because of my IP address. Meanwhile, I contacted customer service and they haven't gotten back to me yet.
2. On day 2 of being on WW, I spent over an hour trying to locate the "Points Tracker." It just wasn't where it had been the last time. I simply could not find it, and so could not input my points for the rest of the day. Meanwhile, I contacted customer service and they never got back to me.
3. Today, day 3 of WW, the site again works the way I remember it, but it keeps freezing my computer, so again I can't input my points. I'm not even going to bother contacting customer service. 
4. As a nursing mother, I was awarded like 15 extra points. That's a lot. And I feel like if I eat all those points (which I haven't done on any of these days), then I will definitely not lose weight. So I know you're supposed to eat all your points, but I just don't want to. 

I have lost weight these last few days -- I can tell already and I feel great about it. But by NOT following the rules here, I've sorta motivated myself to do lose weight my own way. I know how to lose weight; I've done it before. I just needed a little push.

Weight Watchers online isn't just a money-suck, but a time-suck. I have spent an embarassingly long time online -- not browsing for resipes or reading health advice, but trying to input my stupid points. I don't have that sort of time.

Here's what I've learned most of all -- I should eat more fruits and vegetables. Okay. I can do that.

We're exclusive.

It's been an emotional rollercoaster. All the starting and stopping and supplementing and exclusive formula-feeding and exclusive pumping and losing milk and then rebuilding my supply...again and again and again...but we've finally made it -- I am exclusively breastfeeding Meira.

Yes, in last post I said I was happy pumping, but I knew that wouldn't last. I started feeling a bit like a prisoner to the pump. I couldn't go out for more than a few hours, I was obsessed with the how today's yield compared to yesterday's, and sometiems Meira would be crying while I was pumping and I couldn't get to her and that made me feel downright silly. Also -- all those bottles...too many dishes.

I spoke and then met with an amazing lactation consultant (actually two -- Fran and Alexis), who both helped me realize that a) I have plenty of milk (and I better, after all that hard work), b) Meira has a good latch, and c) I can do this. They also helped me work on d) relaxing. So I slowly exchanged pumping sessions for nursing sessions.

It was hard. At 6.5 weeks into the whole ordeal (because that's what it was), I felt like I was at square one -- with a baby just getting the hang of nursing, falling asleep all the time, wanting to nurse all day, etc.

And we're still working on it. We're certainly not at the every 3-4 hour mark. And because I switched from formula to nursing at night, we've both been getting a little less sleep (though the nights are still pretty good).

I'm not gonna lie -- breastfeeding is hard. But I am starting to get glimpses of what people mean when they say that it's easier than bottles, and more enjoyable.

So here I am, patting myself on the back for a job well done. And here's to Meira -- a very patient little baby!

My name is Sarah, and I'm a pumpaholic.

I've become obsessed with pumping and milk production. I don't even care as much about the benefits of breast milk for babies as I do about stocking my fridge and freezer with milk. I have about 50 oz. of expressed milk stored away for a rainy day. Meira is exclusively breast fed (or bottle fed breast milk) during the day and gets 2-3 bottles of formula at night (helps her sleep longer and easier to prepare than heating up cold breast milk at 2am).

Talk about a pumping success story --

A few weeks ago I was pumping about a quarter of what Meira needed per feed. Occasionally I'd pump half a bottle's worth of milk and pat myself proudly on the back. Now, a few days after finishing my last fenugreek capsule and what feels like hundreds of pumping sessions later, I am easily pumping out a full bottle each time I sit down to pump. In the morning, I can pump out almost 2 full bottles in one go.

What's more, sometimes I actually look forward to pumping. I love feeling full of milk and then 10 minutes later feeling light and empty. I love sitting there and relaxing, drinking my water (if I remember to bring it to the couch beforehand) and reading or watching TV.

Here's the problem --

As smoothly as things are going, full-time pumping is not a long term option. At least not for me. While I don't mind the pumping at all, sometimes I feel like I need to pump at the expense of going out or at the expense of doing things around the house that need to get done (like taking care of my children).

Yes, you're right (because I'm sure you're thinking this) -- I could just nurse Meira when the pumping is inconvenient; but despite my full milk supply, I still cannot seem to get the knack of nursing. I still try and nurse once or twice a day for a bit, but it is never comfortable or enjoyable. I can't seem to ever get enough milk in her, even if I sit there for an hour with my boob in her mouth.

And here's another thing -- Meira is not the happiest of babies. In fact, we just put her on a formula-only diet for 24 hours to see if maybe there's something in my breast milk that she doesn't like that's making her cranky all the time.

But it is true, she cries after a bottle of breast milk and cries after a bottle of formula, and I always think she's hungry. So I'm sure when I nurse her she's getting plenty and I'm just being neurotic by thinking she's not getting enough.

I know practice makes perfect when it comes to nursing, and I still plan on diong a 2-day nurse-a-thon to try and get us both adjusted. Maybe I will love it, but then again, I doubt it.

Obviously (because you know I can't keep these things to myself) I will keep you posted.

Breastfeeding Update

It is becoming more and more clear to me that breastfeeding is just not for me -- or at least not this time round...or last time either. I have spent the last two weeks working extremely hard to increase my milk supply by round the clock pumping (every 2-3 hours, 4 hours at night) and taking fenugreek supplements (9 per day). During this time I have done very little actual nursing simply because I was not willing to spend the time nursing, giving bottles (which I had to do after every nursing session), and then pumping, but I did make sure to nurse a few times a day, simply to keep the memory alive for Meira so she wouldn't forget how to do it (and she hasn't).

And after weeks of hard work -- MAGIC -- my supply is up! I produce enough milk to provide full bottles of breast milk for Meira all day and into part of the night! Mission accomplished!

Today I decided to go on a nurse-a-thon and try and give Meira my breast milk through more traditional means -- the breast instead of the bottle. Once again, she fell asleep every couple of minutes or stayed on the breast for hours, oftentimes getting frustrated and bouncing on and off the boob. For about 4 exhausting, nap-free hours I let her nurse on demand, but she never seemed to adequately drain my breasts -- yes, after hours of almost non-stop feeding, I was still dripping milk and she was still not satisfied. When I had had enough, I gave Meira a bottle of pumped milk, and she drank the whole thing.

According to my lactation consultant who watched Meira latch on and feed, she (and I) are doing everything right.

Yet it certainly doesn't feel that way.

Breastfeeding has become something that I dread. When Meira starts to stir after sleeping for a while, my first feelings are of dread -- oh no, time to put her back on the boob.

Not quite the feelings you want to have towards your precious 1-month-old.

So, to sum up, breastfeeding is not for ne, or for us.

That being said, I am still committed, at least for a little while longer (until I begin to dread that too), to provide breast milk for my baby. I have worked so hard to increase my milk supply that it would be a shame to let it dry up now. And the oddest part of this whole thing, is that I totally don't mind pumping. In fact, I sort of enjoy it. It's a quiet, meditative time during which I get to close the door, read or watch TV, and just relax.

Plus, the benefit of pumping (in addition to providing free milk for my baby) is that I still have the option of breastfeeding a) if I change my mind (again) and b) as quick comfort to Meira. It is certainly a nice tool to use when she's screaming and nothing else calms her down.

(P.S. Have I mentioned that my angel baby has turned into a bit of an afternoon/evening colicky baby? We still love her.)

Whenever I hear of people exclusively pumping, I think they are absolutely insane. Please feel free to feel the same way about me...at least while this lasts. 

Okay...back to the pump I go!

Nursing, continued.

I hit my 2 week nursing goal, am about to hit my 1 month goal, and now am shooting to hit the 6 week mark. Most things I've read and most people I've spoken to say that the first 6 weeks are the hardest, but that after that, a solid milk supply should be established and things should get more comfortable and easier.

I know from my own experience with Hila that I never reached the point of comfort and ease. I did the nursing/pumping/supplementing thing for 4 miserable months then, and I swore that I wouldn't put myself, my child, and the people around me through that mess again.

And yet...here I am...nursing and pumping and still having to supplement with formula. The only difference this time is that I'm not going crazy. In fact, besides for a few emotionally draining hiccups, I've been handling these hurdles pretty well.

My milk supply is still not where it should be, but I am working hard to get there by nursing, pumping, and taking a heck of a lot of fenugreek capsules (9 per day). Pumping is a lot less aggravating when you actually get something to show for it. It takes me 2 pumping sessions of about 5-7 minutes each to get a full bottle.

Fortunately, I am working with a very patient little girl. She is, however, also a very sleepy little girl, and that is probably the main reason why things went down in the first place. I simply cannot keep her awake at the breast long enough to get a full meal. And I refuse to have her at the breast all day.

While things are fine right now, they are still far from ideal. I will give it a few more weeks (maybe) to see if things improve and if I can increase my milk and my nursing time and reduce the pumping time and the bottles.Just thinking about all the bottles and pumping stuff in the sink is motivation enough right now.

Meanwhile, whoever said that nursing is the cheaper alternative? Between seeing the lactation consultant, investing in fenugreek, and buying nursing pads, nursing bras/tanks/shirts, and other nursing gear, it is becoming quite expensive! (Thank you Bethami for the pump and pillow!)

Nursing.

Nursing. I have milk and a baby willing to suck -- two things I never had during my 4-month trial (and failure) with Hila. My nipples aren't even that sore.

And yet...

Eh. I'm not loving it. I miss the 3-4 hours schedule that you can immediately implement when you're using formula. I don't like having leaky boobs and having to wear nursing pads all day, every day. I don't like feeling like I can't go out because maybe (definitely) the baby will need to eat and I'll have to sit on a park bench or in a restaurant for an hour trying to feed her without exposing myself. I don't like feeding every hour, maybe two hours, maybe even three hours at night, but most probably 30 minutes (during teh day). I don't like feeling insecure that Meira isn't getting enough to eat since there's no way to measure what she gets in a single sitting.


I've already given in and feed her one bottle of formula at night -- and oh how I look forward to it!


But it really does seem like a shame to quit when things are actually working out, especially after my struggle last time. And it's not like I have much else to do during these next few weeks...


I am going to take this one day at a time.


Meanwhile, in an effort to make sure Hila doesn't try and give Meira food or drink or any sort, we're had the following conversation a few times:


Me: "Hila, can babies eat pizza?" (or whatever we're eating at the time)
Hila: (laughing) "No!"
Me: "What do babies eat?"
Hila: "Only mommy's boobies. Only boobies."

Welcome to the world, Meira Aviv!

Last week on Saturday, May 14, 2011, we welcomed little baby girl, Meira Aviv, into the world, and since then, she has transitioned into our family and into our lives beautifully.

No offense to our very special big girl Hila, but WOW -- I had no idea that newborns could be so quiet, easy going, and patient. We are truly blessed to have a new baby in the house who doesn't disrupt the calm and relative quiet that we've worked hard to maintain while raising our first child.

Of course, the smooth sailing can't wholly be attributed to Meira. Hila has already proven to be an amazing big sister. She's quiet and gentle around Meira, understands that certain things (toys, pacifiers, swings) belong to Meira ("only Meira"), and is extremely proud to show off her baby sister to any visitors who stop by. Meira is the first person she wants to say goodnight to before bed and good morning to when she wakes up. She's even patient during the long hours that Meira spends in my lap during her never ending nursing sessions (see next post).

People assured me that a second birth would be easier and shorter than the first. In terms of timing, Meira's birth followed a very similar timeline to Hila's (about 12 hours -- 8 hours until the epidural). In terms of intensity and pain, I think it was pretty similar as well. But one thing is certain -- this birth was not traumatic. I knew what to expect, knew that the pain was unimaginable, and knew that it was all normal. After reading the book Hypnobirthing and preparing with our AMAZING doula, Julia Mannes, I really internalized the idea that much of the pain and trauma of childbirth is connected to fear. Did these contractions kill? Yes, just like before. But I wasn't scared, had strong support around me (Menachem, Julia, and an excellent midwife) and so I kept my cool (sorta) and had a relatively calm birth.

And yes, of course I had an epidural. Anyone who doesn't is just silly.

We love you Meira!

Is Hila trying to get rid of me?

The other day we were outside playing and Hila said, "Mommy, go away." And I said, "No." And then she said, "Okay, Mommy stay here." So I said okay and sat down next to her. And then she got up and walked away.

Hammocks and Jellyfish

Yesterday Hila and I were out on our balcony and Hila was sitting in the hammock (no way I'm getting in--i'll never get this huge body out of it). I asked Hila if she knew what the things she was sitting in was called. With a very matter-of-fact tone she answered, "A magic carpet!"

Is this a kid who has watched Aladdin one too many times or what?

Then later I was making her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and, very politely, Hila said, "More jellyfish, please."